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literature by tolkien125

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Submitted on
April 13, 2012
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Chapter 1
The Unknown Colt

             Wind… that was the first sound he heard, the young colt opened his eyes but he was too weak to move. With his eyes open, he could see many stars above him, that’s when he realized he was lying on his back. Out the corner of his eye, he could see a blue mane, he was very weak so he struggled to move his head to see who that mane belonged to, it was a tall beautiful mare.

                The mare noticed that he had woken up so she smiled at him and asked “Are you ok little colt?”
The young colt could only nod his head yes, he was still too weak to talk. The mare smiled and spoke again, “Congratulations my little pony, you just earned your cutie mark. You now know your special talent.”
The young colt looked at the mark that had recently appeared on his flank, it was a Black Star with lightning bolts stretching to each point from a cloud in the center.

                The young colt didn’t understand what it was, not only that but he didn’t even know what a cutie mark was, or the idea of what it’s supposed to be. He looked back at the mare, she was still looking at him and smiling, and then she asked “Can you tell me what your name is young colt?”
The colt opened his mouth to talk but he didn’t say anything, not because he couldn’t talk, but because when he thought about what his name was, his mind drew up a total blank. In fact, he couldn’t think of anything. His name, where he’s from, where he had been, in fact everything before he opened his eyes and saw the stars, wasn’t in his mind anywhere. It’s as if he had just been born. The mare looked a little concerned “Is everything alright?”
 The young colt looked at the mare and shook his head no. Then with his already weak body, exhausting itself even more with stressful thoughts, the colt fell asleep.

                Time went by and the colt opened his eyes again, he was in a white room lying in a bed. Now that the colt had energy to move, he sat up but an incredible pain was fluctuating from his left wing. He turned his head to look at it. His wing had a bandage with a small block of wood attached. In other words, it was broken, but how did it break? The colt tried to think of where he was by looking at his surroundings. The room was a simple size; the sun was shining through the window on the other side so he had slept through the night. He also noticed a clipboard at the end of the bed. He picked it up and looked at the patient information that was attached. Other than a broken wing, everything on the sheet was simple. Male Colt, Black/yellow, Mane/tail, Star shaped Cutie Mark, but under name there was only one word, with two letters TB. The colt thought to himself “TB? That’s not my name. But what is my name?”

                 All of a sudden the door in the middle of the room opened, a stallion wearing armor that could only be mistaken for a guard walked in followed by a tall mare. This mare wasn’t the same as the one the colt had seen the night before. This mare had a pink mane. The mare smiled pleasantly as she spoke, “So this is the young colt that has Canterlot in an uproar, there are a lot of ponies talking about you, around here.”
The colt knew that this pony was important by the guard she came in here with, but he still had to ask. “Excuse me miss? Do you know where I am?”
The mare replied “Of course, how rude of me, my name is Princess Celestia of Equestria. And… I’d like to welcome you to Canterlot. May I ask your name little one?”
“My name is… um… TB… I think”
“You think? You mean you don’t know?”
The colt felt embarrassed, what kind of pony doesn’t know their own name? The colt replied, “I don’t know what my name is.”
Celestia felt bad for the colt “I… I see.”
The colt tried to change the subject fast “Do you know who that pretty mare was, that I saw last night?”
Celestia could only smile at that question “Pretty mare? You mean the one with the blue mane.”
“Yea she was very pretty, and nice.”

               Celestia couldn’t help but giggle at the colt’s innocence, and then she replied “That was my younger sister Princess Luna. She would be here too, but right now she is speaking with residents of Cloudsdale to see if we can find your parents.”
“When will she be back?”
“It will probably be at night you see she raises the moon, and rules Equestria at night while I do the same during the day, only I raise the sun.”
The colt then asked, “Miss Princess Ma’am? Why does this paper say that my name is TB?”
“The doctors need a name if they are going to take care of you and since you were sleeping they decided to call you TB which stands for Thunder Bolt; it’s sort of a nick name for ponies that get injured by lightning.”
“Is that why I can’t remembered anything, I got struck by lightning?”
“Well that’s what doctors are trying to find out; it’s very unlikely that a pegasus gets injured by lightning. So do you mean to tell me that you don’t know anything about yourself?”

                 The colt felt embarrassed again, “I tried my hardest, but I can’t remember anything, my name, my home, where I'm from, who my parents are, I don’t even know what happened last night. And what everypony else is talking about.”
While he said this, he stated to tear up. Princess Celestia thought to herself, then replied, “Don’t worry we will find your home and make things all better.”
The colt then asked “What is everypony saying about me anyway?”
Princess Celestia replied. “They are talking about the amazing pegasus who used a legendary ability in the Everfree Forest.”
“Legendary ability?”
“Yes, rumor has it that you preformed the Lightning Orb. It’s a technique so rare that it’s said the last pegasus to ever use it, was Commander Hurricane, himself. And they are also saying that your cutie mark was the result. A pegasus with a cutie mark for the Lightning Orb is destined for great things.”

                 Another guard walked into the room and whispered something into Celestia’s ear, and then the princess said with some concern in her voice, “I have to leave you now, I'm needed elsewhere. I hope you get well soon. Princess Luna and I will see you right after dusk.”
The colt had to ask, “Is everything OK?”
With the same amount of concern in here voice she replied “Oh its fine, I just have royal duties to attend to, that’s all.”

                 Princess Celestia left the room in sort of a hurry, then a doctor came in and started asking the colt a series of questions, most of which were about what he could remember of the night before. But everything before he woke up and saw the stars was a total blank. The whole day from that point on was a series of test; some were basic medical, testing the electric charge in his hoofs, measuring wingspan and power, which hurt with one wing broken. After that, there was a series of paper test, to show what he could remember. He easily remembered simple thing like moving, talking, and reading as much as he knew at his age. However, complex things, names of cities, names of ponies, where he came from, where he was when he was found, even his age was a complete mystery to himself. Though out the whole testing procedure the doctors called him either Thunder Bolt, or Young Bolt, this just made the colt feel a little uneasy though.

                 By the time the doctors finished testing him, it was already dusk. The young colt looked out the window to see the stars but it was still too bright to see them yet. For some reason looking at them gave him comfort in this stressed environment. Then the moon slowly rose over the horizon, and with it the stars started to shine. When he saw this, it reminded him of what Princess Celestia said this morning, about how she and her sister Princess Luna raise the sun and the moon every day. It must be a great honor to be so important, but a colt with no memory of his past, is nothing compared to that. 

                 A few minutes later Princess Celestia knocked on his door, “My little pony? Are you awake?” The colt looked at the door, "Yes, I'm awake."
 The door opened and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna both entered. The colt was happy to see both of them but he was even happier to get a chance to speak with Princess Luna. Princess Luna stepped forward, “Are you feeling better little colt? I hear you have no memory of before the event, is this true?”
 The colt lowered his head in shame, “No, I don’t remember anything. I was hoping you could tell me what happened when you found me.”

                 Princess Luna smile as she started to tell the story, “It started right after I raised the moon. I saw a blinding light that shined so fiercely that I could see it from Canterlot Castle. Taking a few guards, I decided to go and investigate the area. What we found was a crater of cinder and ash, and in the center of it, an unconscious colt. You were covered in scrapes and cuts, but your broken wing was the worst of your injuries. There was a static charge arcing off you, so I had to place you on the carriage using magic. Every pony who stepped into the crater was struck by the electricity stored in the ground. You slept most of the way but you woke up long enough for me to congratulate you on recently attaining your cutie mark.”

                The colt looked out the window and spoke, “I remember that. I also remember lying on the carriage but I don’t remember anything before that.”
"Princess Celestia smiled, “I have some good news for you though. I sent a team of ponies to investigate what happened. With what they found and the test that took place today, we were able to tell what happened. But first I want to explain the Lightning Orb to you, have you ever heard of it?”

                 The colt looked back at Princess Celestia, “No, but you told me about it this morning, that it was a legendary trick or something like that.”
Princess Celestia smiled, “It’s not only a legendary trick, it’s very dangerous to use. Many ponies that have ever used it took so much energy in the process that they died from it.”
“They... died?”
“Yes, when a pegasus kicks a cloud with the intent to produce lightning, energy is transferred from their hooves into the cloud to produce an electric shock. That same energy is used in the Lightning Orb only instead of transferring it into a cloud, the energy is sent into the ground to heat up the moister in the area. That moister evaporates and becomes a small cloud instantly. The energy that heats up the moister then travels into the cloud through the evaporating water. When the cloud gets big enough, that same energy turns into very violent lightning shock that scatters in all directions destroying everything in a perfect sphere shape, except the user of course. However a technique like this uses so much energy, that most pegasus that have attempted it, died from exhaustion.”

                 The colt looked at the ground, “Is that why I lost my memory? Because it didn’t kill me?”
Princess Celestia replied “We believe so, you had enough energy to use such a technique but you didn’t have enough to leave there without a cost. Anyway now to what the team discovered. According to the way your wing was broken, you had to have fallen from a high altitude. Our guess is that you fell of a cloud and broke your wing falling into the Everfree Forest. That would also explain all the scrapes and cuts too.”
The colt was enthralled by the story. “Then what happened?”
Princess Celestia smiled and continued, “At some point in the Everfree Forest you got scared enough to use the Lightning Orb. We don’t know why, but the trees that once stood are nothing but chard stumps that are still sending off static electricity."
The colt asked, “Was anypony else around to see what happened?”

                 Princess Celestia turned to Princess Luna and asked “Would you like to tell the rest of the story?”
Luna replied “Ok, well… we think something like a creature living in the forest tried to attack you. And when a pony is afraid for his life, then out of desperation he can do things that he never thought possible. In your case, the Lightning Orb. I was just returning to the Canterlot Castle when I saw it. For a second I thought it was the sun rising too soon, but I found out it was something else, you were the only one in the area when we arrived so I believe there wasn’t anypony else around. Also I visited Cloudsdale this morning to see if anypony lost a colt, but nothing was reported so we don’t know who your parents are. But I do have good news for you; I set up a place for you to live when you get out of the hospital. You will be staying with my most trustworthy guard and commander; he has agreed to take you in till your home is found. Now about your name?”

                 The colt looked confused “My name?”
 “Well of course, you need some kind of name until you remember who you are; I don’t think Thunder Bolt is the best choice.”
 The colt thought to himself, “Well the doctors have been calling me thunder bolt all day but I don’t think that’s good at all.”
 Princess Celestia spoke next, “Well it’s your choice little one, and you got the chance to choose your own name, so choose wisely.”

                The colt looked out the window at the stars. “The stars always relax me and I’ve herd Thunder Bolt all day… OK I’ve decided on a name.”
 Princess Luna Smiled, “OK, we will start from the beginning then. My Name Is Princess Luna of Equestria and what is your name.”
 The Colt smiled and replied, “It’s a pleasure to meet you your majesty, my name is Star Bolt.”

If you’ve kept up with my work then you already know that I have been writing a story about an OC Pony I created Named Star Bolt, whose life dates back all the way to when Nightmare Moon tried to bring forth eternal night (the first time). His Bio seemed to be too brief and simple for most to understand so I’m rewriting it in a series of chapters to give readers a better description of who this Pony is and how bad it is for him to forget his past sins.
I know the grammar isn’t perfect but I'm not a professional I only wright in my free time.

Tears of a Fallen Star

 

Chapter 1: The Colt Awakens
Chapter 2: The Exam
Chapter 3: Commander Bolt’s Decision
Chapter 4: The Friendly Foe and the Eclipsed Nightmare
Chapter 5: Two Orphans, Celestia, And New Recruits
Chapter 6: Celestia's Stand, and Forgotten Foes
Chapter 7: Peace in Death, Love in War, And Good in Evil
Chapter 8: Confrontations between Nations
Chapter 9: The Bolt That Cleared the Mist
Chapter 10: The Fatal Funnel
Chapter 11: Wounded Spiritually, Physically, and Emotionally
Chapter 12: A Murder In Cloudsdale’s Shadow
Chapter 13: Past Wounds in Present Skies
Chapter 14: Who I Am
Chapter 15: My Home Front
Chapter 16: The Emotions of War
Chapter 17: True Pain
Chapter 18: Letter From a Mare in Love
Chapter 19: A Meeting to End the War
Chapter 20: By the Light of the Stars
Chapter 21: The Fallen Star
Chapter 22: A New Dawn

Add a Comment:
 
:icongrimreeper2121:
ok ive never written a critique for a fic before(only for comics) so bear with me

vision:
i like where your going with this. the idea is solid and has a lot of potential. it has endless possibilities from where you can take this story wherever you want with it.

originality:
i've never read a fic quite like this before. the idea of the main character losing his memory, having been done before, had me a little worried that this would just follow the same patterns i had seen before. but i was genuinely surprised on how well you pulled it off. also the originality of the lightning orb and how well you described it made the story really become unique. i think this is a truly original idea and the way you pull it off is all your own.

technique:
you did a good job setting up the beginning of the story without limiting where you can go with it (like giving away the ending goal at the beginning of the story like avatar the last airbender) witch would limit the amount of chapters. and over all your technique and writing style was good. and everything seemed fine. in fact i really like the way you set this story up. however, there were a few misspellings here and there and a few punctuation issues i noticed but nothing to serious.

and finally impact:
the way you set this story up, the lost memory, the new insanely awesome move, and everything else in this story now has me hooked. and im actually excited to read the rest i like this story a lot and find that it has a lot of potential i know that the next like 10 chapters are already out and as soon as i finish this im going to read the rest so i should stop typing and get back to reading

all and all great fic and if the rest is as good as the first chapter i cant wait to read it
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
15 out of 15 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconlunarepublice:
The thing is your not going to like it but.... That was completely most... Wonderful thing I've read so far can't wait to read the rest of the story
Vision.
I can just picture everything thats happening even the Lighting orb.
Originality.
I wish that there was ten stars not five cause I would've given this chapter all stars.
Technique.
You know it's great if a very bad ADD person can stay on the story through.
Impact.
I was just thinking WOW!!!!! All the way through. So just awesome.


Ps lllooovvveee it. Have peace, love, joy, and happiness in your heart always.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconwolfwaker101:
wolfwaker101 Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013
Interesting... 😐😕
Reply
:iconxxnightcorepegasisxx:
XxNightcorePegasisxX Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awesome story!! :heart:
Reply
:iconpriceless911:
Priceless911 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thx
Reply
:icondj-megalodon:
DJ-Megalodon Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is epic!
Reply
:iconpriceless911:
Priceless911 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thx and thats only the first chapter. :D
Reply
:icondj-megalodon:
DJ-Megalodon Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Luved it!
Reply
:iconaaronboy22:
aaronboy22 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013
i like this. but i hate celestia. don't know why i had to say that but i did. i FUCKING HATE CELESTIA GODDAMMIT....good story!
Reply
:iconpriceless911:
Priceless911 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thx ^^ im not getting really into the second story The diffrence, but im preping for The Kings War which will be mostly about the griffon civil war and the connection to Star Bolts parents.
lol dont worry... i like Nightmare moon so thats almost the same thing lol
Reply
:iconneowolf99:
NeoWolf99 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
interesting so far, i feared a mary sue but I do not think this will be the case with Star Bolt, look forward to reading more
Reply
:iconpriceless911:
Priceless911 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thx ^^
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