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Submitted on
May 3, 2012
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Gathering Thoughts by Priceless911 Gathering Thoughts by Priceless911
This is my first Comic, itís not the best but I thought it up at work so I had to create it. I hope you like it.
PS there is a surprise hidden in this comic that I just HAD to put in, any brony will find her without a problem. Enjoy!


The surprise is by: bluedragonhans [link] & blond-justice [link]

Luna images by: mkovic [link] godvsdem0n [link] misterlolrus [link] & blackm3sh [link]

Twilight images by: pikamander2 [link] & stickthefigure [link]

Celestia image by nickman983 [link] & mihaaaa [link]

Background and MLP:FIM by Hasbro
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:iconrivuredevour:
For someone's first comic, this is actually pretty outstanding.

Aesthetics - Not a lot here, although there is some quality changes within the first few panels (i.e. smooth character model, but a slightly rough background) It's not a major flaw, but it just happened to catch my attention. To fix this, I recommend using Background Vectors from the MLP Vector club since they don't degrade in quality when scaling. I do adore the background changes and close-ups that keep the comic from being dull, job well done

Continuity - A minor error here. Nightmare Moon's insignia on the moon's surface disappears after she is freed from her imprisonment (as seen on Ep 1.).

Character/design - On Panel one It appears to me that Twilight is looking at Luna's... Necklace... and Luna is looking over at Twilight's... horn? Again, That's not really a big deal (I understand what was going on) although, I do suggest making eye contact more direct rather than making them look like they're thinking "oooh what is this" It shows that the characters are actually paying attention and listening... unlike gummy... Also characters and their dialog were really believable

Overall/TL;DR - Amazing. Few minor errors and you made me ROFL. Chuck Norris approves of this.

P.S. sorry if my critique isn't up to standards only me being 15 and this being my second one. Hopefully this will help you become a better comic creator. Good luck and Good job!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
90 out of 93 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconsbstrollerpadawan:
As :iconrivuredevour: said in his critique [pretty good beng its second one] It has some minor errors in the vectors, "forgiveable" cause they're not yours[next time better use the ones on MLP Vector Club, just a suggestion], but the dialogue it's pretty funny. And being your first comic:
:icondumbledoreplz::iconsaysplz:5 points to griffindor!
Oh and it would be great if you make another comic with "what would she do with 2 thousand years"
-Learn to draw and make your own comics without vectors to get what you want. "If you want it to be good, do it yourself". This one is good, but it could be better you know.
P.S.: I didn't pretend to rate the "Technique" part since the art isn't yours, but i'm not saying it isn't good.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
46 out of 53 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconsonicsailorkeyblade:
SonicSailorKeyblade Sep 3, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
For a first MLP comic, I thought it was cute and hilarious! ;3 I enjoyed it as much as the others that have commented. ^*^ awesome work and keep making laughs like these!! >~<
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:icongoldenponyz:
GoldenPonyZ Aug 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
...

IN THE MOON. *IN*! NOT ON. Dx
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:iconsomenerd:
Had a similar idea a ways back that the whole "Mare in the Moon" face was a pattern of rocks that Luna had laid out like the Nazca lines. Then they got wiped out by moonquakes or something when she escaped.
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:iconcowmaiden:
2 panel derpy :p
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:iconscootfan213:
scootfan213 Aug 2, 2013  Student Artist
i know what she'll say.
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:iconthemariofan8881:
I think Celestia and Luna's love for each other is questionable
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:iconw0nderbolts:
luna would have a better life being evil instead
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:iconleviathantamer:
What are you talking about? Sibling Rivalry is like muscles you rip and tear at pieces a little bit and then when it's healed over you repeat and that makes the muscle stronger.
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:iconthemariofan8881:
They're ROYALTY, Princesses don't sqabble like that. When they were fillies, it's understandable. But as full grown mares, plus being the rulers of Equestria, it's kinda unacceptable.
But since this is FANMADE, I don't think I have to worry about it
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:iconleviathantamer:
Yes it's rather unacceptable... but then again so is having your student and five of her friends wreck one of your parties because the party is boring... or letting a Pegasus borrow your pet Phoenix for whatever purposes... or allowing your sister to embarrass herself on Nightmare Night when she could have helped keep that from happening. I'm just saying these two aren't your average rulers. Besides this all happened behind everypony's back and EVERYONE knows that it's behind the public's back that someone's real personality comes out.
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